How to Handle Misbehaviors During the Holidays

by: Meghan Leahy

If you are in close-quarters with friends and family-members, there is a higher likelihood that you will struggle more with your children.  Why?  Many of us are feeling judged and insecure, especially if there are not many children around.  You may feel that well-meaning family members are dropping hints (“I never allowed Jimmy to give me that kind of sass, parents are so different these days”), displaying some non-verbal behaviors (eye-rolling, audible sighing, etc.), and outright giving directions (“you need to give that baby some food, he’s obviously hungry!”)

And while we know what we are doing as parents, we can suddenly turn into the surly teen we once were: huffing around the house and becoming snappish to everyone.  This insecurity leads to harsher discipline with the children…and that contributes to more misbehavior from our children, which invites more comments from the peanut gallery, which makes us madder…you get the cycle, right?

Stop the madness!

1)     Create a plan!  Every single time your child misbehaves to the point you want to speak to him or her, take the child out of the room.  Why?  It stops public shaming!  You are not putting on a show for the relatives, and you are more likely to stay in control of your emotions when you don’t have an audience.

2)     Keep highlighting the behavior you would like to see, as well as creating opportunities for GOOD behaviors to happen!  So much misbehavior comes out of boredom, so give the children REAL jobs that you can thank them for. (Raking, cooking, cleaning, making signs for meals, helping siblings and cousins, walking pets, etc.)

3)     As the parent, take a look at which family members pluck your nerves and steer clear.  If you know Auntie is going to tsk-tsk, keep your child away from her and IGNORE her when she does it.  If your in-laws start in with the “when I was a kid stories” feign a diaper change or potty break.  I don’t encourage avoidance as a way to handle emotional issues, but it is your best strategy when there is no out in sight and you have to make nice!  When in doubt, keep asking family members about their lives and opinions.  They will usually talk and talk and talk about themselves, and forget all about how flawed you are!



Remember: people really do forget what it is like to have little kids!  Cut everyone (most of all, YOU) a little slack this holiday season.  Try to find the best in people.  Come armed with charming stories, colorful anecdotes, and other ways to connect to family…you may find you even may have some {gasp} fun this holiday season!

With common sense, humor, and time-tested strategies, Meghan Leahy Parent Coach helps parents build positive connections with their children. Visit her at www.positivelyparenting.com or find her on Facebook and Twitter.